Monday, May 25, 2015

Pontotoc's Prodigal Sons: Dem. Walter Zinn "Went Rogue" On His #MS01 Client Starner Jones

Most thought the second phase of the #MS01 Special Election culminating in the June 2nd runoff was going to be boring. In a conservative district, the #MS01 conclusion seems to be an all but inevitable victory for the Republican prosecutor and war veteran (Trent Kelly) against the only other candidate left (Walter Howard Zinn, Jr.), a progressive Democrat with a strictly political resume.

Because it was not worth the blood and treasure to really fight this runoff to the end as a possible 2015 statewide election-year proxy war between Education-minded Democrats and Business-ended Republicans, the Democrat was supposed to go down fighting the good fight against the last Republican standing, and then both sides were supposed to shake hands and go home.

But then, to paraphrase Forrest Gump, a great movie with more than one connection to Mississippi's First Congressional District, "Zinn happens." 

Or, if Zinn is not to be blamed for the latest twist in this story (read on for the twist), you could say that Starner happened… again. Either way, some weird stuff has gone down a couple times now in this special election cycle, and that pungent smell throughout the campaign seems to primarily originate from Pontotoc County.

Pontotoc County had two prodigal sons return to the First Congressional District in time to run in the Special Election on May 12th: Republican Starner Jones "moved" his residency back to Pontotoc County from Memphis where he still works as an emergency room physician; and Democrat Attorney Walter Howard Zinn, Jr. returned to his native Pontotoc County after working as a political consultant and policy aide to Democratic mayors in Jackson, Mississippi.

It would be difficult to imagine two more different candidates among those running in the May 12th Special Election. Their home county is about the only thing Zinn and Jones share. Zinn is African American and epitomizes the well-dressed, cosmopolitan candidate with wonkish knowledge of the issues, a set of traits that fit the cliche for which some Democrats are derogatorily labeled "latte liberals." On the other hand, Starner Jones is "a white guy's white guy" who shows up for political events in his doctor's coat and oozes both awkwardness and Tea Party anti-intellectualism. 

So that's why I was shocked to read rumors over the holiday weekend that Walter Zinn started out in this same Special Election as a political consultant for Starner Jones. The consultant went rogue and became a candidate himself, the rumors suggested. I was even more shocked when the rumors were confirmed by more than one source, including (to some degree) Zinn himself.

Democrat Walter Howard Zinn, Jr. Hired To Consult For Tea Bagger Campaign of Dr. Starner Jones?



















My initial source for reports that Zinn worked for Starner Jones was a Tweet from Grant Fox, an attorney, Trent Kelly supporter, and political consultant at Hill Country Strategies

Fox, no stranger to North Mississippi politics (as he made it to the runoff in a Special Election in 1994 for the same congressional seat that Zinn is now running for), Tweeted in the standard form for lawyerly plausible deniability when sharing political scuttlebutt: an interest-piquing question.



After reading Fox's Tweet, I probed sources, including asking Fox himself if the question was anything more than a rumor posed as a question. 

I then confirmed from those sources that Zinn had, in fact, worked for Jones. Just as Fox initially reported it, sources detailed that Zinn worked about three weeks for Jones' congressional campaign. According to these reports, Zinn only quit the Starner Jones campaign because of some payment dispute. 

After reading these reports, I saw that Zinn himself provided a confirmation of sorts that admits little but denies nothing in response to Fox's Tweet.




















So…. The reports combined with Zinn's own "sort-of-confirmation" brings to mind several questions that Zinn should answer, if he wants to avoid any deterioration to his political and/or consulting brand in this part of the state. 

1. Business is business, but did Zinn really work as a paid consultant for three weeks to deliver the district he now claims to care so much about to the arch-Tea Bagger anti-poor candidacy of Starner Jones (a rapey fiction author, mocker of the poor, and arguably the worst candidate in #MS01 from both a moral standpoint and a progressive policy standpoint)? 

2. For which "candidates" was Zinn consulting in #MS01? Zinn seemed to suggest in his response that Starner Jones was a candidate for whom Zinn consulted, but making the statement plural he unequivocally suggests there was more than one #MS01 candidate for whom he worked. And for each of these candidates, what exactly was Zinn doing? Political messaging consulting? Get out the vote consulting? African American demographic micro-targeting consulting?  

3. What about the potential ethical problems of Zinn directly competing against a former consulting client? And if Zinn really quit and then ran against Jones because of a payment dispute rather than an ideological dispute with the Jones campaign, does that circumstance suggest even more of a lack of integrity? 

4. What about the political problems of not sharing Zinn's dual role as a consultant-turned-candidate with #MS01 voters prior to the May 12th election? Does that show a lack of candor? 

5.  Why is Zinn's financial disclosure statement so barebones? As the screenshots below show, Zinn lists his income only as a cryptic disclosure of "consulting" for Jackson political candidates. Decidedly missing from his report is any income whatsoever for the reporting period from January 1st of 2015 through April 10th. This failure to list his consulting income for #MS01 suggests again a lack of candor  (and even a lack of honesty) by Zinn. 









Some will argue that I should not write this damaging post about a candidate that at the end of the day may believe in a better healthcare and education system for North Mississippians -- or at least a candidate who grandstands about a more progressive vision than his Republican opponent. 

Those critics have a point. But it's not my intent to hurt Zinn or help Kelly. My intent is for Mississippians to have better public servants in Washington. As a political consultant who helped Starner Jones and then competed directly against Jones when (reports suggest) he became upset about a payment issue, who does Zinn even serve? Who does Zinn serve when he won't even list his sources of income in a candid manner on his financial disclosure statements? 

And who does Zinn serve when he is burning bridges with the National Democratic Party because they refused to exhaust a lot of resources in a deep-red district? I ask that last question, because I noticed that Zinn seems to be going rogue not only on his former clients but also on his own political party (as the screenshots below of Zinn's Tweet from a few days ago show). 



This is not the sort of campaign I had hoped Zinn would run. Even if he lost, I wanted him to speak truth to power. But his secretive conduct throughout the campaign now suggests he is not speaking truth to anyone. If anything, Zinn is not speaking truth to power but is only seeking money from power. 

I think most voters would agree that it is fine to work for candidates of another political party if you are a political strategist, but I suspect those same voters will agree that working for candidates and then running against those same candidates just weeks later is not ok, regardless of how much we all love freedom, free speech, capitalism, apple pie, and the Fourth of July. 

Democrats knew this was not going to be the happiest election when power players with Name ID, good reputations, and the right mixture of populist and progressive politics decided not to run. (Looking at you, Brandon Presley.)

But with yet another congressional candidate disappointing Democrats for the second year in a row in #MS01 thanks to a lack of candor (remember in 2014 when Democrat Ron Dickey lied about his service record and lost the state party's support?), Democrats will have to count their blessings and move forward. 

At least the Mississippi House of Representatives is in play this year, and there will be a chance to run a candidate with clearer intentions and more candor against Trent Kelly in 2016. But as an incumbent, Kelly will be twice as hard to beat by that point. Still, #MS01 voters deserve a real choice in every election, and the people of Mississippi deserve a two-party system that is as robust as the system is in swing states like Colorado and Ohio. 

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Nostra-Dark Horse? Which Predictions About #MS01 Came True?

While reflecting last night on the #MS01 election returns (posted here as grand totals for all of #MS01 and here in county-by-county tabulations), I realized I predicted the likely pluralities/winners in 18 out of 22 counties.

Uploaded below is the #MS01 "battlefield" projection map I published on April 20th, followed by a map using the same key to represent the actual plurality winners on May 12th in each county. Notice that the only wrongly predicted counties were Calhoun, Tippah, Tate, and Lafayette. 18 out of 22 ain't bad!

I know self-promotion is supposed to be bad form, but I'm not claiming credit for some Nate Silver-like algorithm that I can sell to anyone. I just made educated guesses. But rather than just shooting from the hip based on fundraising as some national observers seemed to do, I am someone familiar with these candidates, knowledgeable of individual county demographics, and experienced in observing several North Mississippi federal election cycles -- one of which, the 2014 midterms, I used as a model for the projection map I made below.

Nostra-Dark Horse? DHM Prediction map depicted above was published on April 20th, 3 weeks before the #MS01 election on May 12th. It turns out the map accurately predicts 18 of 22 counties. The avatars represent projected plurality winners in each county (some of which I admittedly hedged my bets).










Map depicting #MS01 May 12th election plurality winners in each of the 22 counties.


Here's where it gets more interesting…

In another post from April 16th (this one almost a month before the election), I accurately predicted within 3 points the percentage of the vote share for every single #MS01 candidate EXCEPT Walter Zinn Jr. (I was 7 points off for Zinn who ended up winning 17% of the vote. I admit I seriously underestimated Zinn's ability to get the word out to his Democratic base when the ballot lacked party identification.)

Disclaimer: The methodology of that April 16th post gave me some wiggle room. I gave each candidate that I considered second or third tier a five-point range (0% - 5% for third tier and 5% - 10% for second tier). Then I gave the two candidates I considered top tier, Trent Kelly and Mike Tagert, a projected ten-point range for their vote share (10%-20%). Like many of the tier projections, that range turned out to be right for Kelly and Tagert.

While handicapping the race in this sliding scale of tiers makes my prediction seem less prescient, consider this: The tier system that I used actually held up for all 13 of the candidates. As I predicted would happen, candidates only moved up one tier (e.g., Pirkle & Jones from 3rd tier at 0-5% to 2nd tier at 5-10%; and Zinn from 2nd tier at 5-10% to 1st tier at 10-20%) or down one tier (e.g., Whitwell and Sparks from 2nd tier at 5-10% to 3rd tier at 0-5%).

However, as my blog post predicted on April 16th, no one shifted two tiers up or down, and I accurately predicted the exact tier-range outcomes for 8 out of 13 candidates. For four out of five of the aforementioned candidates I initially placed in the wrong tier (Pirkle, Jones, Sparks, and Whitwell), they may have finished one tier off, but they only moved 3 percentage points or less outside of their projected tiers. Zinn at 7 points out of range was an outlier.

And while all of that may be interesting "inside baseball" for the few readers who give a shit about election minutia, here's where it gets kind of weird.

I predicted the exact election outcome for my favorite candidate, profane fiction author Dr. Starner Jones. The Tweet below was from the day before the election.






Jones ended up with exactly what he needed to garner between 8% and 9% of the vote.

I wasn't right about everything, but it's my blog so I can pretend I was. A couple of the other Tweets that turned out to be accurate predictions are shared below.







So all of those Tweets were right on the money too. No one was a clear winner in DeSoto, though Tagert got a weak plurality as I predicted on my map. Mills won a plurality in Itawamba handily as I said he would. Ross and Sparks, two extreme underdogs, won pluralities as favorite sons in their home counties. As predicted, Starner Jones lost his home county (probably because of that whole porn thing that was published a week before the election).

And Quentin Whitwell, the man without a county (who claims to be a resident of several counties), came in second in Lafayette (just as my Tweet, above, predicted), but he was 12th out of 13 in his overall vote share (nowhere near top three in the district, just as the Tweet predicted).

The sad thing is that many of the biggest losers of the night spent a lot of their own money. Looks like I could have saved several of the candidates (10 out of 13) a lot of time, effort, and money if they had just listened.

Many people getting paid big bucks got this election wrong. I'd be more humble about my predictions except I don't get paid to follow politics. Ego-cookies are all the renumeration anonymous bloggers can hope for.

So the big lesson for candidates is this: an anonymous blogger is probably better at predicting than your paid consultants and pollsters are, and money can't buy you love. Cue the Beatles!



#MS01: Resolving Those Lingering Questions About Purple Church in the May 12th Election Aftermath

Despite spending a ton of money bashing poor people, I doubt the 5th place finisher in the May 12th #MS01 election, Dr. Starner Jones, rides off into the sunset as he should in a "welfare wagon" (grocery cart) pushed by a Simpson's character

Because we will never see that kind of poetic Dickensian ending, I'm here as the faceless narrator of #MS01 to answer a handful of unanswered questions about Purple Church and its infamous author. These are questions I would have been prepared to answer with deviant glee mixed with civic duty had Dr. Jones made the runoff, but now I only answer these out of a storyteller's duty to complete the arc. 

We have seen Act II where Starner Jones rose to the front of the pack in #MS01 through a much-heralded Herman Cain endorsement, non-stop advertising in North Mississippi, and unsourced poll hype. And of course we've seen Act III where Jones's vote share fell to 8% after being thoroughly embarrassed for his "rapey" fiction.

What we haven't seen is the beginning of this story. So let's answer a few of those burning questions readers may have when it comes to the origins of the Purple Church controversy:

1. First and foremost, who actually read the this tripe from an "author" that Governor Barbour naively called "one of the freshest voices I've read in years" (after Barbour almost certainly failed to read the book)?

Well, one lady definitely read it! The below-embedded video from WREG (Memphis News) is my source. In this clip, a male anchor and female anchor interview Starner Jones about Purple Church, the novel that recently made Mr. Jones politically infamous as a Tea Party candidate moonlighting as a rapey fiction author

Hilariously, the lady of the morning news duo said to Jones of her experience in reading Purple Church: "I'm not going to get a lot of work done today because I've got to go home and finish. It really started strong."

Then, both anchors compared Jones to John Grisham and requested his autograph. 

Small wonder the guy thought he had a shot at Congress when a governor, a U.S. senator and the Memphis media are blowing smoke up his ass! Not to mention his patient-bashing letter going viral and echoing for years on Facebook…

2. Where did Jones come up with this story? Upon whom is it based?

In the same Memphis interview, embedded below, Jones admits the story is "autobiographical" with the fictional Brother Jimmy being inspired by his own experiences. 

The rape scene, however, was based on Emergency Room victims' stories. Yuck. The general counsel attorneys for the hospitals where Jones has worked must be scratching their heads over all of the HIPAA risks this guys' mouth and pen have caused between the viral letter and the noxious novels. Yes novels. Jones said in the interview a sequel was in the works.

Anyway, I'm through talking about the good doctor. I wish him the best. I just thought readers should know the answers to these two questions in case he pops up again...

Monday, May 11, 2015

Follow the $$$: #MS01 Candidates Involved in Incompetent Messups, Criminal Coverups, and Making Big Bucks

A few bad boys in tomorrow's Special Congressional Election for the First District of Mississippi failed to file a Financial Disclosure Statement: Sam Adcock, Dr. Ed Holliday, Henry Ross, Daniel Sparks, and Quentin Whitwell. (A concerned citizen tipped me off to this issue today and provided a link to a searchable database for congressional candidates' Financial Dislcosure Statements.)












Unusual Suspects? Left to Right: Ed Holliday, Daniel Sparks, Sam Adcock, Henry Ross, and Quentin Whitwell broke federal law by failing to file Financial Disclosure Statements in #MS01

According to Federal law (5 USCS Appx Section 101, Subsection (c)), candidates for Congress must file a Financial Disclosure Statement detailing their sources of income, their assets, and their debts within 30 days of becoming a candidate (or "in no event later than 30 days before the election.") Candidates failing to file these statements may face penalties, including a civil fine.

In other words, the required Financial Disclosure Statements are now at least 29 days late for Adcock, Holliday, Ross, Sparks, and Whitwell.

Incompetent Messups 

As first-time candidates with limited campaign funding, Holliday's and Sparks' failures to file financial disclosure statements may be explained as mere incompetence based on their amateurish campaign operations.

Full disclosure: I also like these two. They seem like good dudes, although I may not agree with most of what they say.

Criminal Coverups? 

I'm more hesitant to forgive Adcock, Ross, and Whitwell. I don't believe for a moment that these three simply forgot or simply didn't know about the filing requirements.

Ross ran as a Tea Party candidate for Congress in 2012. If that wasn't enough, the Tea Partier has made his living serving in both the federal and local government as a federal judge's clerk, a Navy JAG Officer, a Justice Department lawyer, and as Mayor of Europa.

As a perennial government employee and as a lawyer to boot, Ross ought to have more regard for federal law. But I guess as a crazy Tea Party guy, we can assume his failure to file a financial disclosure statement is based on some small-government privacy principle or some such pretext (i.e. bullshit)?

But look at Sam Adcock. This guy worked for U.S. Senator and Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott as his Legislative Director and as his security policy advisor. And Adcock's campaign has lots of cash ($250K+), some of it self-funded ($120K) presumably based on his willingness to take his federal defense contract fortune (via Airbus in Columbus) and parlay his connections and federal money through the revolving lobbyist door back to a seat in Congress where he can steer more money through federal contracts.

Lastly among the potential criminal coverups, there's Quentin Whitwell. This guy raised more than six figures for his congressional campaign, just like Adcock. And like Ross, he has also been in government as a Jackson City Council member less than a year ago. Both his sophisticated level of fundraising and his previous political experience imply malfeasance in his failure to file Financial Disclosure Statements as opposed to nonfeasance.

Of the five who failed to file their financial disclosure statements, Quentin Whitwell (as a candidate with upper tier fundraising and previous government experience) is the "Keyser Soze" (the guilty guy, e.g., Kevin Spacey in The Usual Suspects) among these five candidates.

Whitwell claims to be a top tier candidate. Well he should act like one. Mike Tagert, Trent Kelly, Boyce Adams, Starner Jones, Nancy Collins, Greg Pirkle, and Walter Zinn (all potential frontrunners tomorrow to a greater or lesser degree, according to most #MS01 prognosticators) remembered to file their Financial Disclosure Statements. Why did Whitwell fail to do so? I refuse to believe he didn't know. His dad was US Attorney under President Reagan for crying out loud.

Making Big Bucks

According to Greg Pirkle's Financial Disclosure Statement, which you can search for at this link by first clicking on "Search for Candidate" at this link and choosing Mississippi/2015, the dark horse candidate who raised a ton of money in #MS01 (almost half of a million dollars) is also a very wealthy man.

My eyes started to glaze over after reading the list of Pirkle's investment accounts (he is an estate and tax lawyer after all and should know a thing or two about complex financial instruments), but one particular figure stands out. On top of all of his capital gains, which you can review yourself at the aforementioned link, Pirkle makes about a half million dollars per year as a law partner at Phelps Dunbar, as the embedded image below shows.







I actually think Pirkle's ability to make big bucks weighs in his favor. He clearly knows how to handle his business, and that suggests that he would be competent at handling the financial business of #MS01. I still think his candidacy lacks a sufficient policy platform though. You can't run a winning campaign based on charming ads about your weird name and your nebulous outsider status.

Not much else is interesting among the candidates who filed their Financial Disclosure Statements from what I can tell, although I haven't had much time to scour them. Here's a rough summary:

Boyce Adams made hundreds of thousands of dollars through bonuses and income in his father's BankTEL business. No surprise there.

Likewise, Nancy Collins is already wealthy -- not through her paltry state salary as a state senator but through a bunch of family assets (a bunch of accounts that make my eyes glaze over as was the case with Pirkle).

Starner Jones is surprisingly not as rich as his obscene level of campaign spending suggests.

Surprisingly, the two frontrunners Mike Tagert and Trent Kelly both have modest incomes and assets.

Walter Zinn, if elected, would probably have the best paying job he's ever had. He seems to have no income at all at the moment, except as a "consultant."

And Chip Mills is no millionaire, but he has the comfortable assets and good income of any competent small-town lawyer after their fifth or sixth year.


Sunday, May 10, 2015

#MS01 Candidate Channeling the "Rail Splitter?" And Who Are the Political Brahmans of #MS01?

He is a lanky country lawyer with distinctive facial features and a lack of political experience. He is performing very well in debates, although he is unlikely to win his first major political contest.

Yep, that pretty much describes both Chip Mills and the early political career of Abraham Lincoln (nicknamed the "rails splitter" based on his actual and affected sympathy with the common working man).

Even the ads seem to be unconsciously cultivating the historical echo, but to me the physical similarities with the rest of the coincidences make this almost uncanny.

Screenshot from one of Chip Mills' television advertisements.
Depiction of Lincoln the "rail splitter," a dead ringer for #MS01 candidate and country lawyer affecting common man appeal, Chip Mills
Depiction of Lincoln the "rail splitter," a dead ringer for #MS01 candidate and country lawyer affecting common man appeal, Chip Mills







































Of course it's not a perfect comparison. Mills' father is a powerful federal judge, a fact that has surely given Mills a leg-up financially and politically compared to the more humble, log cabin origins of Lincoln. 

This places Chip Mills firmly within the roster of candidates of some political or economic privilege in #MS01. Among those of similarly distinguished lineage are:

1. Quentin Whitwell whose father was appointed to a vacant Chancery Judge post by Governor Bryant and was previously appointed US Attorney by President Ronald Reagan

2.  Boyce Adams whose father is CEO of BankTEL, which enjoys political connections to the political Brahmans of Mississippi including Governor Bryant who is now personally promoting the company in economic development talks with Israel.

3. Senator Nancy Collins whose father was Northern District Highway Commissioner.

Most of the other candidates tout school teacher and preacher parents, which within the context of Mississippi poverty, suggests they are of more of a middle class background.

I suspect if any of the candidates had parents or childhoods mired in poverty, they would not bring this up very much for fear of being labeled a demagogue. I think that is a mistake.

First District voters want a compelling narrative and the idea of a leader pulling themselves up by their bootstraps is particularly compelling in a state and district where many voters know how tough upward mobility can be, especially (yes, I will say the obvious) when certain families in certain counties monopolize government jobs, certain high school guidance counselors pick favorite students to assist for scholarships, and certain companies and firms in Mississippi hire in an embarrassingly incestuous fashion.

If someone conducted a study, for instance, on the rate of nepotism in the public or private sector of Mississippi, I suspect there would be a new explanation for the rate of young talent fleeing the state.

One key figure that illustrates how First District voters want the "local boy/girl done good" narrative is Starner Jones. I'm no fan of Starner Jones, as evidenced in my post about his explicit novel Purple Church (which has since gone viral and is driving thousands of visits to this blog per day from national sites like Esquire and Wonkette), but Jones has made a lot of hay of the fact that he was raised in a single parent home.

If you think Jones' underprivileged message doesn't sell in an economically depressed area where hope and faith are the only privilege most Mississippians enjoy, then take off the political privilege blinders.

Even if Jones doesn't make the runoff on Tuesday, if he garners more than 10% despite all of the recent negative attention, it will be partly because he is spending boatloads of money but also partly because the average Mississippian who is frustrated both economically and politically feels they can relate to this outsider as someone of an underprivileged background from Podunk Pontotoc.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Can Cold Hard Cash Buy Dumb Wet Voters in #MS01 Tuesday?













You're Starner Jones. You just loaned $475,000 to your campaign based upon a belief that North Mississippi voters are a bunch of fleece-headed cud-chewers who will vote for whomever the television says is most conservative.

I'm a doctor, not a politician, you think, as you chuckle to yourself. Too bad Mississippians are too stupid to get a pop culture reference, or they may understand that your entire campaign is predicated on a Star Trek joke.

You then check the ten-day weather forecast and determine that election day, Tuesday May 12th, calls for rain. Although your money is mostly going toward obnoxious commercials and Google Ads, you scramble to pump more money into get out the vote efforts, because the rain raises the stakes on transportation, especially when you're running against the fucking Transportation Commissioner of North Mississippi.

I mean, how can you compete with that guy, the fucking TRANSPORTATION Commissioner, on "GOTV" (Get Out the Vote) efforts? Commissioner Tagert can close down the roads, demolish bridges, and set up bogus construction sites all over North Mississippi if he wants to, right? Chris Christie was here this week, and why wouldn't the Bridgegate Baron talk shop about traffic shutdowns with Commissioner Mike Tagert? Hell, you'd do it.

But on to the real problem, the one your Campaign's Communications Guru kept tiptoeing around and didn't want to broach with you for weeks now because he didn't want to forfeit any portion of a retainer by convincing you that your campaign may have serious -- he didn't call them this, but it's what they are -- "autobiographical" issues.

You know you don't have the smiling nuclear family. Big deal. Most of the younger candidates are also without a wife and children except that motherfucker Chip Mills. You hate that guy and his beautiful, gorgeous family. Fucking jerk. You know he keeps missing events on purpose just so he can show off his lovely wife as a surrogate and make you and Boyce Adams look like losers.

But your'e a doctor, not a family man. Who cares about family shit? Except, Well, Dr. Jones, there's that other thing. That other weird shit in your background. He doesn't say it, but your guru keeps hinting at it by protecting you from too much public exposure.

What weird shit? You think. I'm not weird. I'm a doctor, not a weirdo. You're the weird one, fucking weird campaign boy asshole. 

And then you figure out the heart of the problem that the campaign guru kept avoiding and from which he seemed to be shielding the public's view. It's not some nebulous concept of schoolboy strange, thank goodness. But, even worse than that, it's a tangible and veritable smoking gun of Adams-Family-creepy-shit in your very public portfolio of work.

To wit, some jerk on some "no name blog" squatting for free on the Interwebs published dozens of short excerpts from your quasi-autobiographical masturbation piece, Purple Church, earlier this week. And now there's a distinct possibility that some left wing national news organizations are going to make you really fucking famous.

So rather than just rain on Tuesday, you're thinking about a different kind of weather now; it's social weather, this frenetic fucking air of anticipation that always starts churning on social media and in churches and in backyard barbecues right before election day. You're thinking about information as weather, and right now you've got a Category 5 shit storm on your radar.

Well, it's all a learning experience anyway. If they let you keep your medical license after blasting medicaid patients for their lifestyle choices, then you will survive to keep making millions after a personally bruising political campaign.

You learned to speak latin in Med School. You learned to speak "French" in four-letter-words in the ER. Now, on the campaign trail, you are starting to incorporate guttural noises from the primordial slime of nature into your lexicon of French fucks and all those body parts from De Humani Corporis Fabrica.